


you who appeared before my eyes like a miracle

by vivahate



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Manga Spoilers, alcohol mention, in the beginning and it's like one or two lines !, prophesied soulmates, specifically chapter 397 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26563912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivahate/pseuds/vivahate
Summary: “Everything I told you last night,” Kageyama says at last and he sounds so awful, so defensive: he keeps trying to pull away, and Hinata can tell he’s come to all the wrong conclusions. “I told you because I wanted to. There’s nothing more to it. I don’t need your -”“It’s not pity!” Hinata hisses, tightening his hold on Kageyama’s hands. “Or whatever else you’re thinking.” Hinata releases another quivering breath against Tobio’s neck, the setter going completely still in his arms. It’s important that Tobiounderstands. “It breaks my heart knowing that the boy I love was hurting and I didn’t even –” he breaks off with a sound of frustration, “I could’ve done something to make it at least a little better for you.”(or; Kageyama tells Hinata about Kazuyo san after the Black Jackals/Adlers game, and Hinata processes.)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 16
Kudos: 319





	you who appeared before my eyes like a miracle

Hinata hasn’t slept a wink.

Is yet to come around from everything that happened within the span of the last twenty four hours. Between the fast-paced match that ended with his team’s victory and stumbling into a hotel room with a buzzed heap of a setter in his arms, he’s not sure his physical body has had enough time to properly catch up with the recent happenings. He isn’t sure anything could’ve prepared his body for what was to come anyway. Lightheaded from the afterparty and the leftover adrenaline of the game, Kageyama had all but clung to him, half-garbled words falling from slack, ruddy lips. _Just like he promised,_ repeated over and over against Hinata’s head, spoken like a prayer of gratitude to an invisible force. And Hinata - he didn’t know what to do with any of it.

Kageyama wasn’t _that_ drunk, and as far as Hinata’s concerned he’d never even touched a drink in his life before last night. But the friendly and joyful atmosphere of the impromptu get together with their former teammates and friends had loosened the setter’s reservations and later on in the night, his tongue. For he told Hinata all about his late grandfather, his sister, of nights spent alone in front of a television too large for its one person audience and a string of many other confessions that made Hinata feel like he was the inebriated one out of the two. That the way Kageyama felt about him felt like it had arrived from a promise made long ago. That playing against him for the first time had felt like a reunion even though they’d never had a _before_ before their middle school match. Hinata had always known that what he felt for the setter was big, too big for words, and certainly too big for two rowdy high schoolers to tackle. But while he’d always thought that the enormity of his feelings for Kageyama was like a deep well of devotion that could have only been filled over time, it seemed to have appeared all at once for Kageyama. 

Hinata felt oddly ashamed then, that it had taken a twelve hour difference and a two year separation for it to properly land for him. But the feeling had already been there all the same. Hinata used to think of love as an uncomfortable process, as something he’d fit into gradually, one day at a time much like trying to break in a pair of new shoes. No one had told him that it could also be quick and passionate and persistent. That it could take root in his heart, powerful and overbearing, yet it would take months and years to take note of the protruding branches. Never thought it would come in a pair of blueberry eyes and a smug grin that would set his nerves ablaze and drive him forward with all his might. 

Well. There wasn’t much that could be done about it. 

All Hinata could do was cling right back, stroking Kageyama’s hair and his shoulders and do his best not to fall apart with him. He swallowed back every pained sound, every innate reassurance threatening to break past his trembling lips in favour of supporting, if only for the moment, the weight of everything that's been laying heavy on Kageyama’s soul. He’d never seen the man in a state like that before. 

Body wrecked with an emotion that was neither sorrow nor joy, but rather an undulating meeting of the two. With fear gripping his heart, all Hinata could do was hold him and allow for the waves to subside. 

_I was so alone_ , Kageyama whispered while cradling Hinata’s face in his hands, large and calloused from volleyball, not delicately sculpted at all, but achingly gentle all the same. Hinata ran his thumbs along the valleys of his palms, trying to ground the both of them when Kageyama smiled at him, emotion-drunk and lost to the world and said, _I’m so glad you found me._

There was something so heart wrenching in Kageyama’s happiness, and something so euphoric in his grief. Because that’s what it was: clear as day before Hinata’s eyes, the repressed mourning of a loss that had burst forth from happiness so heady it made Kageyama forget his own self: every single boundary and smothered thought. 

Hinata doesn’t remember how Kageyama fell asleep but he tries to lie still, wary of disturbing Tobio’s rest, but inside of him blood can’t go around because everything that keeps his body alive feels flash-frozen, begging to be breathed some movement into. Hinata is familiar with exhaustion, bone deep and trapping. And he’s been through a fair amount of stress in the twenty two years of his life but he’s never experienced anything like this. Like he’s facing the wrong side of his body and the goosebumps running along his shivering skin keep pricking at him like shards. 

Hinata presses himself closer, releasing a shaky breath. He can feel the level beating of Kageyama’s heart right there under his palm, and the sensation suddenly brings hot tears to his eyes. 

The heart of the man he loves. Hinata’s fingers tighten on the fabric of Kageyama’s shirt. 

The part of Hinata that’s always suspected, that’s always just _known_ , aches all the more for it. Should he have pushed about this more? Like he pushed Tobio about everything else? Hinata’s pride and delight have always been to sweep into Tobio’s eyesight, unprompted and make him feel seen, accepted, taken in. And then it would only take a cheeky grin and a daring race to get Kageyama to a better place. 

Tobio isn’t stupid. Hinata’s sure he’s long figured out what Hinata’s been doing. And that he’s been allowing it to happen, always giving in to Hinata’s whims and challenges, makes him want to honor Tobio’s faith in him, in them and what they become when they come together as a team.

Nevertheless, Hinata isn’t sure how he would’ve reacted if he’d found it all out in high school. He isn’t sure how he’s going to react _now_ , beyond the foresight to tread as lightly as he can on this unfamiliar land. Kageyama has always been a warmly welcomed guest in his house. Natsu adores him, his mom dots on him… he should’ve made sure he came over more often. Insisted to join him on his track practices and walked him home more often. Brought over food and made plans outside of school more. He remembers his petty strop over Kageyama not telling him anything about his plans regarding V-league and how quiet and withdrawn Kageyama was after he’d learnt about Hinata’s Brazil training and realizes that they never got to say what was important at all back in high school. And he doesn’t know where to start now.

Hinata keeps drifting in and out of a restless not-quite sleep, hardly registering the passing of time until he feels Kageyama start to move against him, slowly awaking. Hinata jolts awake too, heart hammering in his chest. He doesn’t move and loosens his embrace so Kageyama has room to turn around in his arms. Soon their eyes meet, tired and a bit disoriented over planes of white sheets and pillows and limbs and Kageyama’s face slowly breaks into a smile. And Hinata, well, he can’t do anything but smile in return. 

“Good morning.” Hinata whispers and doesn’t like how questioning it comes out. 

Kageyama doesn’t answer, just keeps looking at Hinata with wonderment written all over his face, mouth slightly agape. Hinata swallows thickly and wonders, since when has Kageyama started being so open with his smiles and affections, and then Kageyama’s reaching out a hand to stroke through Hinata’s hair and Hinata stops thinking altogether. 

“Did you sleep well?” Hinata asks then, voice small and raspy, for the sole sake of saying something. 

“Mhmm.” Kageyama affirms quietly, sleep and exhaustion still clinging to him luxuriously, making him appear so soft in the early morning light, it takes Hinata’s breath away. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun in my life.” Tobio shares quietly and then equally soft and devastating, “You were amazing.”

Hinata feels his face crumble, no longer able to keep up appearances when the setter is being so painfully earnest and - and _sweet_ , can’t really force himself to mask away his trepidation even as he sees Kageyama’s brows crease with worry. 

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama demands, and he sounds almost fully awake now. Hinata doesn’t answer right away and Kageyama’s eyes start sweeping over the rest of his body, searching for possible injuries. Hinata’s physical heart feels like it’s crawled up to settle, exposed and fluttering in his mouth. He doesn’t know how to swallow it back down to where it belongs. 

“You never told me.” Hinata says, voice wrecked. It takes a moment, but Hinata sees recognition, heavy and sad settle on Kageyama’s face. “I wish you’d told me.”

Kageyama’s face closes off immediately, and Hinata almost, _almost_ regrets bringing this up. Hinata just watches him for a moment... watches his jaw tighten, his eyes flicker. Hinata watches him and feels himself ache: if there’s one thing he knows for certain - has known ever since their high school days - is that he never wants to be another person who swats absentmindedly at the setter’s wounds. Kageyama’s face creases in unhappy thought and Hinata wishes with a sudden, desperate fervor that he could’ve been there for Tobio all those years ago, before their fated match and before middle school. To have been there in whatever capacity Tobio might have needed him. Hinata doesn’t know how he’d handle seeing younger Kageyama experience heartache, though. The rare glimpses of it that he’s had the privilege to be allowed in on, in more recent years, have all but shaken him to his core. Made him want to pluck the sadness out of Kageyama and swallow it whole and feel it in his stead so that it would never torment Kageyama’s mind. Never again trouble his heart. 

“Everything I told you last night,” Kageyama says at last and he sounds so awful, so defensive: he keeps trying to pull away, and Hinata can tell he’s come to all the wrong conclusions. “I told you because I wanted to. There’s nothing more to it. I don’t need your -”

“ _It’s not pity!_ ” Hinata hisses, tightening his hold on Kageyama’s hands. “Or whatever else you’re thinking.” Hinata releases another quivering breath against Tobio’s neck, the setter going completely still in his arms. It’s important that Tobio _understands._ “It breaks my heart knowing that the boy I love was hurting and I didn’t even –” he breaks off with a sound of frustration, “I could’ve done something to make it at least a little better for you.”

And Hinata means it wholeheartedly. He still has no idea what he would’ve done exactly, but the mere mental image of Kageyama alone and with no one to turn to when he needed something or wanted some company, awakens a part of Hinata that has nothing to do with pity or anger and everything to do with pure fierce protectiveness. 

Kageyama lets out a strangled noise at that, a distressed little sound that does nothing to ease the pain in Hinata’s chest. He untangles himself from Hinata’s grip, but before he can protest or reach out for him, Tobio’s turning in his arms fully and all of a sudden there is a pair of large hands clamping over the sides of his face. 

“You already have.” Tobio tells him firmly, eyes darting all over Hinata’s face with a desperate kind of urgency. “Hinata, _of course_ , you have, you –” Tobio pauses, seems to catch himself on an emotion too overwhelming for him. He swallows thickly and makes sure Hinata’s looking him in the eye before saying, “You helped me more than you can imagine.”

 _I didn’t do anything_ , Hinata thinks wretchedly, and his face must convey the same for Kageyama suddenly reaches out to rub at the frown lines in between his brows. Hinata closes his eyes against the soothing pressure nonetheless. 

“You were there.” Kageyama tells him softly, “You were there and it was enough. It was _so_ enough, Hinata.” 

Hinata takes a deep, bracing breath. And then another. He takes Tobio’s hand still pressed against his forehead and lowers it until it rests against the side of his face, his touch warm and ghosting. Hinata touches the back of Kageyama’s hand, cradling it against his cheek and feels the setter shiver with every breath he ghosts against his skin. He turns his head and traces a light kiss over the inside of Tobio’s palm, and the face Kageyama makes then is … indescribable. 

Under other circumstances, Hinata would’ve teased him for it, but as it is he feels a sudden swell of affection and sadness rise in him all at once, and all he can do is laugh. Sharp and short and a little incredulous. Kageyama’s face contorts further, but then he smiles at Hinata’s laugh, shy and a bit unsure. _Of course_ , Hinata thinks dazedly, of course Kageyama, not one to accept anyone’s coddling, would keep things from him and suffer on his own through whatever was plaguing him only not to worry him.

He knows Kageyama will call out his hypocrisy for he’s already revealed how homesick he was during his training in Brazil, and how his own pride prevented him from saying anything. He’s already been on the receiving end of Kageyama’s judgemental gaze. He doesn’t fancy a repeat of that, especially since he’s gotten in some well-deserved scolding of his own when Kageyama confessed that he’s also done his share of holding back on Hinata’s account: didn’t contact him nearly as often as he would’ve liked in fear of proving to be a distraction, a _liability_. Hinata wasn’t sure who he was more livid with at the time, with himself or his partner. 

Even now tucked in Hinata’s hold Kageyama seems so reserved, so hesitant in the way he isn’t about anything else when it comes to Hinata, and it makes some part of him snap. How much longer must they keep holding back? Haven’t they waited enough to finally reach this place together? Hinata knows it is in part his own fault, but he had an end of a promise to fulfill and nothing short of _this_ would’ve cut it. But he also doesn’t want to be the reason Kageyama doesn’t push for what he wants and seems to always be the one left waiting for Hinata to catch up… Kageyama shifts against him a little, wrapping careful fingers around one of Hinata’s own, simply holding and looking at Hinata with patient but ever calculating eyes, probably trying to gauge what he’s thinking. Hinata exhales a long and shaky breath. Right. Right, this - enough of this. He uses the same hand in the setter’s loose grip to draw him closer until they’re pressed together from chest to toe, and uses his other hand to stroke Kageyama’s cheek. He sees a shiver run down Tobio’s spine and that is enough for Hinata to steel himself, gather the right words and speak. He wants to make it clear and final and just leave this all in the dust.

“Tell me things.” Hinata says at last, and Kageyama’s attention snaps up to his face. Hinata swallows around the heavy lump in his throat and caresses the light tissue of skin under Kageyama’s eye with a thumb. “I’m not asking you to tell me _everything_. But tell me when you’re sad or, or when you feel lonely and want someone beside you. You know you can tell me anything, right?” He pauses to draw in a deep breath and knocks their foreheads together gently before continuing, “I can’t always know what you’re thinking. So just - just tell me what you want from now on.” 

It’s odd. Hinata has always thought that falling in love would be a long uncomfortable process, all encompassing and gradual and beautiful and terrifying in the vulnerability it requires. He’s never imagined that laying his feelings bare could happen easily and matter of factly, and instead of leaving him exposed, it could make him feel like being handed over to loving, trustable hands. 

Their eyes meet, head on, intensely bright as always, burning with the mutual desire for each other’s adoration and approval. Kageyama keeps looking at him in that languid manner he adapts on the court, and he appears to have come to some sort of decision. 

“Hinata,” Kageyama says, and there is no more fear in his demeanor. “I really want to kiss you now.” 

Hinata blows another long breath and he’s the one to shift now, accommodating. He cups both sides of Kageyama’s face, drawing him nearer and revels in how well they fit together like this, aches for all the time they lost in high school when they were too caught up in their own personal dramas to learn to communicate with each other better. To realize how badly they wanted each other. They have all the time and experience to remedy that now, however. 

“That can be arranged.” Hinata whispers, closing the gap between them. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> no one perceive me 
> 
> find me on twitter at [@tobioer](https://twitter.com/tobioer) for more hq/kghn struggle content! thank you for reading!


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